Harry Potter and That Time He Fought a Zombie
by dreaminginglitter
Summary: Written for a friend, this fic is not meant to be taken seriously. Crack fic. Fed up with all his previous attempts to kill Harry Potter, Voldemort sends a zombie to do it instead.


It was a warm and sunny day outside. Since today was Saturday, Harry was trying to decide what he wanted to do as he waled along the Hogwarts grounds near the lake. Maybe he'd go flying around the Qudditch pitch, or maybe he'd go hang out with Ginny. Surprisingly, he had been pretty worry free lately, and that felt nice compared to normal. Perhaps the universe was finally giving the famous Harry Potter a break for once.

Harry suddenly heard a noise out in the distance. Whatever the noise was, it sounded like there was water splashing and...the sound of an engine of some sort. Rolling his eyes, Harry grabbed his wand from his pocket and turned to look at the lake. He had seen enough crazy things during his time in the wizarding world to know that anything could happen. Upon seeing the source of the noise, he sighed.

It was a zombie on a ship, quickly approaching the school grounds. This seemed to be completely mental, but Harry wasn't entirely surprised. After all, he lived in a world where people could turn into animals and fly on brooms. He wasn't exactly sure just how he would explain a zombie showing up on a ship to Hogwarts, but he supposed he'd figure that out later.

Just then, as the zombie came to shore, Harry's scar twinged with pain and the sky mysteriously darkened. Suddenly, Voldemort's voice boomed across the land. "POTTER!" Voldemort called out, his voice high pitched but gleeful. "Due to all my failed attempts at killing you, I've decided to have a brand new strategy! I've sent a zombie after you on a boat! Are you afraid? You never know when the zombie will come to kill you! This is my best plan yet!" Voldemort began to laugh.

"No, because I can just use magic to get rid of the zombie. Also, you might want to plan better," Harry said dryly, looking at the zombie still on the boat. "Because the zombie's already here."

"Haha, Potter! That's where you are wrong! Zombies are immune to magic! What are you going to do now?"

Harry looked down and saw a trail of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. He didn't know why they were there or how they had suddenly appeared, but that sparked an idea in this mind. He decided to follow the path of beans, picking them up as he went. The path led him to the ship that the zombie was on.

"Nice ship," he thought to himself, looking around. The zombie slowly began to walk towards him.

"Avada Kedavra," Harry said, pointing his wand at the zombie. He wasn't sure why he was trying to kill something that was already dead, but if Voldemort had been stupid enough to send a zombie after Harry, Voldemort was stupid enough to believe zombies wouldn't be affected by magic.

It seemed Voldemort had been right for once, as the spell simply bounced off of the zombie. Great, now what was Harry going to do? Wracking his brain for any sort of plan, he had another idea. Reaching into his pocket, he tossed out the Bertie Bott's Beans away from him. They landed in a pile behind the zombie. Intrigued, the zombie went to see what the jellybeans were.

As if this day couldn't get weird enough, suddenly Harry saw a puppy, doughnut, and unicorn materialize out of nowhere. The puppy immediately ran to nip at the zombie's ankles. The unicorn stood back near Harry, ready to fight if need be. And the doughnut...why was there a doughnut, of all things? Harry made a mental note to eat the doughnut later as a reward for putting up with this ridiculous day.

It was then that Harry saw his chance as the zombie turned around, chewing on a jellybean. Seeing the puppy, the zombie cried out joyfully and began to play with it. The puppy licked the zombie's face in response, happy for someone to play with. Harry crept towards a crate that he saw on the ship. Raising his wand, he recalled a spell that he had learned during his first year at Hogwarts.

"Flippendo!" Harry cried. The impact of the spell cause the crate to explode and hit the zombie. Thankfully, the puppy was smart enough to jump away from the zombie and ran over to the unicorn and doughnut as the zombie fell to the floor of the ship in a heap, and more Bertie Botts beans were scattered around the ship.

After getting all the beans he could, Harry waled over to the puppy. Bending down to pet it, Harry spoke. "Thanks, puppy, you really helped me out back there," he said, smiling at the small creature in front of him. The puppy barked in response, happy to have helped the great Harry Potter.

Getting off the ship and going back to the grounds, Harry found Ron, Hermione and Hagrid waiting for him. This didn't surprise Harry either, considering they were some of his biggest supporters.

"Harry, what have you done!?" Hermione shrieked, looking angry and putting one hand on her hip.

"Saving Hogwarts from a zombie," Harry replied, wondering what had gotten into her. He looked at Hagrid for support, and noticed he was just pointing at the ship in surprise. Harry turned to look at Ron and noticed he was wearing a Santa Claus hat and happily eating a chicken wing. Why Ron was wearing a Santa Claus hat in June, Harry didn't know. But if it made Ron happy, he wasn't going to stop his friend.

Word naturally got ground the school about Harry's adventure, and everyone seemed more proud and in awe of him than before. His name made the Daily Prophet again, and everyone wanted to know just how the famous Harry Potter killed a zombie...and what a zombie was, for that matter.

As for Harry's feelings, he simply wanted to go to bed after the long day he had. Dragging himself to bed, he was happy to finally drift off to sleep, wondering what tomorrow would bring.

After all, it was just another day in the life of Harry Potter.


End file.
